The Diva Factor
by Karen (LadyFOLC@aol.com)

Nit-picks of the Bored and Crippled

It's been a while since a new Diva Factor column has appeared, hasn't it? Well, the reason is that I severely hurt my back two weeks ago and have no tolerance for sitting at my desk to type a column. The good news is that my back is starting to heal, and hopefully I will be able to move without wincing or groaning in the near future. In the meantime, it's ibuprofen, bed rest, and heating pads for me.

Since I have been confined to my bed for long periods of time, I have been watching the first four episodes of the new season of Buffy. Repeatedly and constantly. (My apologies to the working VCR-less Molly.) Of course, since it's Buffy, I love and cherish every second of it. However, my tendency to nit-pick on insignificant details combined with a complete lack of social activities due to my injury has forced me to find a few problematic observations.

Let's start with the new characters. Faith. She's the new slayer. She bothers me to no end. Who says "living large" anyore? Is she supposed to be a slayer or Grandmaster Funk? I hope and pray she's dropped the annoying "B" nickname for Buffy. I personally think I should have been the new slayer, simply because from the looks of Faith's butt and Buffy's legs, I want to join the Slayer Exercise Program - Stakes of Steel.

Scott. Buffy's new love interest. I must admit, he's very cute and sweet to her and all, but I get a wiggins just thinking about her being with anyone who isn't Angel. My friend Missy thinks he looks like a cross between Xander and Freddie Prinze, Jr. (from "I Know What You Did Last Summer"). I personally think he's the love child of Xander and Robbie Benson. Or maybe the collective members of Menudo. Also, his real name is Fab Filippo. I am not making this up. That's not a name, it's a Mexican softdrink.

Angel. I could watch that butt shot all day. Did anyone else notice his tattoo was issing, but reappeared in the next ep? But we saw his butt, so does it really matter? Now, in the next ep, we of course saw him running around in pants and socks. (check for yourself, he was wearing socks in at least one of the scenes.) Where did they come from? Olive green cargo pants don't just grow on trees. Does Old Navy deliver? Perhaps I can swallow that he found them from the clothes left at the mansion - despite the fact they are very un-Spike/Angelus. But he came back from Hell in a very tortured and animal-like state. Yet he was still able to put on pants and socks? I don't think so. The day my dog is in heat and puts on a suit, I'm saying goodnight to sanity. But it is great to have him back - those dreams just left me hanging.

Let's review the villians so far this season. Ken, the walking piece of white bread, turned out to be a slavedriver in a hellish dimension. Let this be a lesson to you all - watch out for those conservative do-gooders. Zombies in ep 2 - zzzzzz. Boring and gross, I didn't even care about them. Pat was like the PTA mom from Hell. Kakistos - or kissing toast or taquidos or khaki trousers - was stupid and boring and I'm glad he's dead. But Mr. Trick has potential. Last week's episode was pure genius in their take on domestic violence. Pete, the abusive boyfriend with giant Dumbo ears, literally turned into a monster when overcome with rage. The relationship between Pete and Debbie had a frightening reality, even with the Hellmouth-type elements. The producers and writers of this show, especially Joss Whedon, are geniuses.

But all this means nothing compared to the next element - fashion. Giles has new suits! Non-tweedy ones! My world is all askew! I've noticed Oz has worn one or two of Xander's old first season shirts. For example - the peep-show T-shirt Oz wears in the first scene of the first episode this season ("Anne") is the shirt Xander wore at the end of the first season ep "Invisible Girl". Everyone's fashion has improved - except for Buffy's, only because you can't improve on perfection. The wrap backless sweater she wore in the dream sequence in "Dead Man's Party" (2nd ep this season) sent me into a dream-like state of happiness.

This show deserves an Emmy so badly, I can taste it. Every ep seems to get better! And from what I hear of upcoming eps, we can expect more of the same. I love this show - nit-picks and all.