The Diva Factor
by Karen (LadyFOLC@aol.com)

Diva

di*va (noun), plural divas or di*ve
[Italian, literally, goddess, from Latin, feminine of divus divine, god -- more at DEITY]
First appeared 1883
: PRIMA DONNA

The word "diva" has been thrown around a lot lately. From the VH-1 Diva specials to "George" asking me what a diva is, because he's too stupid to know when one is standing in front of his face, in all her luminous glory. He's an ignorant clod. Whoa, off-topic! Well, since I don't really approve of Webster's version of the word, I thought I'd throw in my own criteria for a diva.

A diva is someone who oozes fabulousness from each and every pore. A diva is typically female, and a fine, outstanding one to boot. She is professionally enchanting, intelligent, witty, and a seductress by trade. Divas get what they want, and the best divas are so good that other people WANT to do their bidding. (This disqualifies Sharon Stone, who is extreme supreme fabulous but other people are too scared of her to say no.) A real diva exudes her own kind of light - a mixture of charm, glamour, beauty, intelligence, sarcasm, experience, and wit. When a diva walks into a room, you can feel it without looking. When she walks out, you can feel the undertow. They're so larger than life, they can get away with almost anything. And if you're a famous diva, drag queens want to emulate you.

This may seem self-serving since I consider myself a diva. But I am a dramatic, outrageous person who is a slave to glamour - what other choice would a woman like myself have but to become a diva? My most comfortable shoes - including my bedroom slippers - have four inch heels. I bought a vintage beaded wedding dress for no reason other than it looked spectacular on me. I wear chiffon and leopard print to the movies. I decorate my body completely according to whim, and never leave the house without personal jewelry. I throw temper tantrums and rants that last for hours, and stand on tabletops with a complete lack of inhibition. I charm because I can (ask several guys at Chapel Hill), but never blatantly seduce. I know my limits, and I push them. I thrill myself in entertaining and fascinating others.

So I consider myself a diva. And as much as a true diva never admits to other people having as much fabulousness as her, there are other divas in this world. But shh, don't tell too many people. My best friend Bisa is a diva. Always has been, always will be. Whitney Houston, Aretha Franklin, Bette Midler, Madonna, Diana Ross, Sophia Loren, Fran Drescher and RuPaul (yes, I know) are some current examples. Classic divas are Marilyn Monroe, Holly Golightly (if you don't know that name, I urge you to see Breakfast at Tiffany's), Bette Davis, Rita Hayworth. I didn't think Shania Twain deserved to be called a diva until I saw that video of hers where she wears head-to-toe leopard print and totally pulls it off. SHE QUALIFIES. Mariah Carey is not a diva - She's a big-haired tease with an attitude and no class. Gloria Estefan? She's a good entertainer, but not a diva. Same with Celine. Cher certainly has the wardrobe (watch during her Sonny and Cher days) and staying power of a diva. Tina Turner is an absolute diva. Brandy....I first wanted to say that she's too young, but she's almost my age. She's got the world wide coverage of a diva. But I just don't see that spark yet. Too much girlish innocence and giggles and not enough "This is me, love me and worship me". Maybe in a few years. Buffy could be a diva, but she doesn't quite realize it within herself. I could teach her.

Did this column seem a little self-serving? Good. The diva wouldn't have it any other way.